Not long ago, I did a blog post on the basics (and some of the nuances) of formatting and handling dialogue in fiction. You can read it: here
For today’s post, I’d like to talk about SUBTEXT in dialogue. I’m going to tell what seems like an unrelated story, but then come back full circle.
Last week, I brought a copy of my book, The Neighborhood Division: Stories, over to my neighbor’s house. “Hey,” I said, “I wanted you to see my new book.” He looked at it, turned it over, and then asked the question I wanted, “Where can I get one?” I told him, “From me!” And then I proceeded to sell it to him at cost ($9). After giving him a couple chances to back out, I inscribed the book personally to him. He informed me that he currently didn’t have any cash, but he’d get me the money on the weekend.
The weekend passed. Nothing.
Now, I could have just let it go. He’s a neighbor/friend. But, I only get like 10 to 15 complimentary copies from my publisher. I don’t even give them to my sister or brother. I hold onto them for possible reviews... or sell them for the full $14 profit! The other copies I have, I bought from my publisher at a 40% discount. Those I can sell on my own for anywhere from cost to $14. Obviously, the higher I sell it, the more money I make on the book. (Ok, technically, cost is $8.40… so I still stood to make 60 cents from my neighbor, which could have meant early retirement).
The point? I really don’t have copies to give away to friends or family. On principle alone, I want to get the $9 from my neighbor. I couldn’t just ask for the book back (awkward… and useless since it’s inscribed to him).
So, on Tuesday, he invited me to bring my dinner over to his porch. I did. We ate our meals, had a nice talk. Then he asked, “What did you do today?” Seeing my opportunity, I launched into a talk about the difficulty of marketing a book. How sales are struggling. How it’s hard to get the word out… the fruitless things I attempt on Twitter. I must have talked for 15 minutes. He eventually said, “That’s right, I still owe you nine dollars.”
Bingo… my subtext worked. I really wanted to bring up the fact that he hadn’t paid me. Instead, I talked about marketing the book, but in a round-about way, I was really trying to get him to remember the book and pay me.
For the record, I still don’t have my money.
But, the conversations above demonstrate subtext. As people, we generally don’t like saying anything that might be controversial or confrontational… especially if it’s in the context of a relationship that we might put at risk. We aren’t always forthright, but instead talk “around” subjects, but still wanting the subtext of our conversation to yield the same results of being forthright.
Too often, though, in fiction writing, we make our characters say exactly what’s on their mind. It’s dialogue that’s “too on the nose.” Our fictional people don’t feel like people because they are too forthright.
Subtext: Having our characters talk around subjects that are uncomfortable… not saying exactly what’s on their minds (that’s risky!) but instead dancing around the subject.
Think of the conversations above. When I told my neighbor that I wanted to show him my new book, that wasn’t completely true. If I were forthright, I would have said, “Here’s my new book; I want you to buy it.” That’s what was on my mind when I brought the book over to him. Later, when I went on my diatribe about book marketing, the subtext was, “Hey, it’s especially hard to market a book when people won’t pay you even after giving them a substantial discount. Speaking of which, how about my nine dollars, pal?”
Obviously, that would be much more confrontational… and could even put the friendship/neighborship at risk.
So, like most people, I spoke in subtext.
Imagine a married man. He’s gone out the past two Fridays with his friends… spouse free. They are going to go out again this coming Friday. He wants to go, but he also knows that he should probably take his wife out. But, he really wants to hang with his friends. On Wednesday, casually over dinner, he says, “We don’t have anything going on this Friday, do we?” What he hopes happens is that she’ll say, “No, we don’t. You should go out with your friends again!”
That’s what he wants to be the result of his subtext-oriented question. If he were being forthright, he would have said, “I know we haven’t gone out in sometime, but the guys are going out again this Friday, and I want to go.”
This is forthright, but also maybe too honest. He’s uncomfortable with the confrontation or disappointment that such honesty could cause. So, instead, he dances around the subject with a passive question… but hoping for the desired results.
This is human. And, your own fictional characters might seem more human if you looked for places to use subtext in your dialogue.
Often, what characters are talking about isn’t really what they are talking about.
Sometimes we hear subtext even when it’s not there. A wife says to her husband, “Is Hank still walking? He looks like he’s lost a lot of weight.” Her overweight husband might hear, “You should start walking like Hank. You’re getting fat.”
This could be what she meant. Or not. But subtext is a huge part of dialogue/conversations in real life… and should be in your fiction.
Let me see if I can give a specific example that’s fictional.
Background:
Bob and Ted have been married for six years. Bob takes his identity from his marriage to Ted. He believes they should always be doing stuff together. It bothers Ted that Bob doesn’t seem to have interests of his own. Ted feels a little smothered in the relationship, but he doesn’t want to hurt Bob’s feelings or cause a fight. Still, he wants something to change.
The Scene:
Ted comes into the living room from the kitchen holding two glasses of wine. He hands one to Bob and then takes a seat near him on the couch.
“Thanks, Dear,” Bob says. “Should we watch some Law & Order?”
“In a minute. I wanted to ask you something.”
Bob tells him to “ask away.”
“Remember when we were first dating? You talked about how you’d always wanted to go to France, stay in hostels, and just have some time to discover yourself?”
Bob nods, smiling.
“You could do that. We could easily afford it.”
Bob sets his wine glass on the coffee table and rubs his palms together. “Oh my god, we should! That would be great. I can start looking into—”
“I don’t really want to go to France,” Ted says.
Bob picks up his wine glass again. “Why did you bring it up?”
“I just remembered it was something you talked about. I just wanted to support you if you still dream about it.”
Bob takes a sip of wine. “That wouldn’t be fun by myself.”
Ted shrugs. “Well, it’s not something I’d really want to do… but I really do support you if you want to. I know you worry about money, but we’re covered. You really could go.”
Bob studies Ted for a moment. Then, he picks up the television remote. “What do you think, ready to indulge in the inner workings of the criminal justice system?”
“Sure,” Ted says, picking up his glass and taking a long drink.
Now, let’s look at the subtext.
Ted comes into the living room from the kitchen holding two glasses of wine. He hands one to Bob and then takes a seat near him on the couch.
“Thanks, Dear,” Bob says. “Should we watch some Law & Order?”
“In a minute. I wanted to ask you something.” (Subtext: “I have something I need to say to you.”)
Bob tells him to “ask away.”
“Remember when we were first dating? You talked about how you’d always wanted to go to France, stay in hostels, and just have some time to discover yourself?” (Subtext: “I think it’s really important to remember that we were individuals before we were a couple. Though we are in love and married, it’s still important for us to have separate interests. There were aspects of being by myself that were appealing. I want my own separate stuff, and you should too.”)
Bob nods, smiling.
“You could do that. We could easily afford it.” (Subtext: “I want us to focus on doing some things apart from each other. I don’t want to always do everything together. And, it can’t just be me with separate interests. You need to have your own.”)
Bob sets his wine glass on the coffee table and rubs his palms together. “Oh my god, we should! That would be great. I can start looking into—”
“I don’t really want to go to France,” Ted says. (Subtext: “It doesn’t matter what it is, but you need to find something, Bob. You’re smothering me.”)
Bob picks up his wine glass again. “Why did you bring it up?” (Subtext: “I’m really confused by what you’re saying.”)
“I just remembered it was something you talked about. I just wanted to support you if you still dream about it.” (Subtext: “I’m not trying to be a bad partner here. This is classic relationship stuff. Two people can spend too much time together. I don’t want to come to resent you, and I feel like I already am.”)
Bob takes a sip of wine. “That wouldn’t be fun by myself.” (Subtext: “I’d want you to go. Period. I don’t like being away from you. Ever.”)
Ted shrugs. “Well, it’s not something I’d really want to do… but I really do support you if you want to. I know you worry about money, but we’re covered. You really could go.” (Subtext: “You are suffocating me!”)
Bob studies Ted for a moment. Then, he picks up the television remote. “What do you think, ready to indulge in the inner workings of the criminal justice system?” (Subtext: “I think I hear what you’re saying now, and I’m not comfortable with it. You’re suggesting we spend time apart, and I’m going to change the subject.”)
“Sure,” Ted says, picking up his glass and taking a long drink. (Subtext: “No, not really, but this conversation is going nowhere so, yes, let’s watch Law & Order again like we do every single night.”)
Have you looked at your own fiction for opportunities for your characters to be implying something when they are really saying something else? Real people do it all the time, and your characters might seem less than real if they always say exactly what they want to say.
If you find my blog posts instructive, please consider purchasing a copy of my new book of short stories, The Neighborhood Division, as a donated payment for the "class."
From the Publisher (preferred): here
From Amazon: here
Book Trailer: here
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