There’s a mantra in screenwriting, and I have never really heard it applied to fiction writing… but I think it can be.
The phrase?
“Come into the scene late, and get out early”
Of course, a screenplay is made up of scenes, but then so is a novel. The advice of getting into a scene late and getting out early could serve to add some pop to your fiction.
The goal in screenwriting is that nothing is happening on the screen that isn’t important to the story. That’s a pretty sound goal. I would think novelists would have the same goal.
So… “Come in late, and get out early.” Screenwriters, at the very least, take heed.
What does that mean? Probably an example will help. Here’s a scene of our main character, David, checking into a hotel. Earlier scenes have already established that David needed to travel to Chicago. In the scene just before this one, the audience saw David grabbing his luggage from the luggage carousel at the airport.
INT. HOTEL – DAY
The automatic doors slide open. David walks in wheeling luggage behind him. He walks towards the front desk, stops to get a drink of water, and then continues to the front desk.
David RINGS the bell at the empty front desk.
The front desk clerk walks out from a doorway.
CLERK
How may I help you?
DAVID
I need to check in.
CLERK
What’s your name?
DAVID
David Hammersmith.
CLERK
(typing)
Ok, found you.
(reads)
Looks like you’re all set. You
set up payment to go on your Visa card.
David nods.
DAVID
I did.
The clerk smiles and hands David his key cards.
CLERK
(pointing)
Take the elevator to the fifth floor.
When you get off the elevator, turn left.
DAVID
Okay, thank you.
CLERK
Is there anything else I can help you
with?
David studies the clerk for a moment.
DAVID
Yes, I’m going to need a wakeup call
at 3 a.m.
Clerk WHISTLES.
CLERK
Holy cow! Early bird, eh?
David just stares at him.
DAVID
Is that a problem?
CLERK
No, sir.
DAVID
Good. Three a.m.
David grabs his luggage and steps away from the front desk. He rolls it across the lobby to the elevator.
He presses the up arrow and then waits as the elevator makes its descent from the 11th floor.
The numbers count backwards. David stands in front of the door until it opens. He steps into the elevator and presses a floor number.
The doors close.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
David opens the door to his hotel room. He turns on the light. Glancing around the room, he situates his suitcase in the luggage cubby.
He goes into the bathroom. Water RUNS.
David steps out of the bathroom dabbing a towel against his face.
He throws the towel on one of the beds. He sits on the opposite bed and takes his shoes off.
Reaching into his pocket, he slides out a piece of paper. Then, he picks up the phone and punches in a number.
He waits.
VOICE (V.O.)
Hello?
DAVID
Yes, this is Hammersmith.
VOICE (V.O.)
Oh, hello. How was your flight?
DAVID
It went smoothly. Just a little turbulence.
VOICE (V.O.)
Well, that’s good to hear.
DAVID
I just need to know where we’re meeting.
VOICE (V.O.)
The parking structure in the hotel across
the street from yours. The Covington.
DAVID
Give me fifteen minutes.
He hangs up the phone. He pulls open his sports coat and double checks the handgun he has holstered against his ribs.
He slides his left foot and then his right foot back into his shoes. He stands up, walks over to the light switch, and then turns off the lights. He opens the door to his room, crosses the threshold into the hallway, and closes the door behind him.
These scenes are overly long and contain a great deal of superfluous detail and dialogue. You might argue that the details add verisimilitude (the appearance of being true or real)… but really, the details are just boring and slow down the pacing of the scenes. These scenes need the most attention at their beginnings and at their ends.
Here’s how I would rework these scene with the idea of “Come in late, and get out early” in mind.
INT. HOTEL – DAY
David stands at the front desk, holding his room key.
CLERK
Is there anything else I can help you
with?
David looks at the clerk for a moment.
DAVID
Yes, I’m going to need a wakeup call
at 3 a.m.
Clerk WHISTLES.
CLERK
Holy cow! Early bird, eh?
David just stares at him.
DAVID
Is that a problem?
CLERK
No, sir.
DAVID
Good. Three a.m.
David grabs his luggage and steps away from the front desk.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
Sitting on one of the room’s beds, David holds the phone against his ear.
DAVID
I just need to know where we’re meeting.
VOICE (V.O.)
The parking structure in the hotel across
the street from yours. The Covington.
DAVID
Give me fifteen minutes.
He hangs up the phone. He pulls open his sports coat and double checks the handgun he has holstered against his ribs.
These changes are absolutely necessary for keeping these scenes moving. Notice how we get into the scene right when David finally says something interesting (i.e. needing a 3 a.m. wakeup call). Everything that was cut was fairly boring and added nothing to the story. While checking in and talking to the clerk, David said nothing that revealed his character or advanced the plot. The audience knows what checking into a hotel looks and sounds like. The audience will assume that he walked through the doors, walked up to the desk, got his room, paid, etc. They don't need to see/hear this small/routine talk.
Now, I'm not saying all scenes should be short. In the hotel room scene, it could be even longer. Right now, though, his "checking in" routine is too standard. So, he puts his luggage away, turns on the lights, and washes his face. Big deal. If we are going to see him come into the room, have him do something unique to him or intriguing or important. Like, he checks under the desk for listening devices, or he adds his own deadbolt to the door, or he sets three or four fake passports in the safe.
Start the scene when the scene starts getting good!
By the same token, end the scene when the good stuff is over. We don’t need to see David walk to the elevator, wait for it, get in it, etc … especially when the scene is just a play-by-play. It doesn’t advance the plot and it doesn’t reveal character. The audience knows what it looks like to get on an elevator.
Same goes later in the hotel room. We don’t need to see him get ready to leave the room, or turn off the lights, or leave the room. The scene ends right after the interesting moment… when he looks at that gun holstered to his side.
“Come into the scene late, and get out early.”
This is essential advice for any aspiring screenwriters.
But, it’s something for novelists to think about too. Is that verisimilitude you’re trying to include actually slowing your writing and making it boring?
Might it be worthwhile to look at your scenes, especially the beginning and the end? Could some “getting in late” and “getting out early” help the scenes in your fiction?
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